Friday, May 4, 2012


Linking up today with Five Minute Friday where you write for 5 minutes about the word for today and then publish without editing or perfecting.

Today's word:


Real? What is real? I'm sure that people looking in on my life aren't sure what is real about it or not.

See, I have this fear. Probably stems from low self-esteem and such, but I get so afraid sometimes that people think that all I do is lay around watching tv and being lazy.

The real truth, well, yes, I do watch a lot of tv, more than I should. You see, it's a way that I try to distract myself. I can only pin so many things on Pinterest or play so many games of solitaire or whatever else I might try to do before I end up curled up in my recliner just wishing the pain away.

As part of the disability process I am going through, I had to meet with a psychologist this week. He met with me for all of 20 minutes and I keep asking myself, and others who know this process, how in the world he can provide an assessment when he doesn't know who I really am.
He doesn't see me fighting to sleep.
He doesn't see me unable to prepare meals.
He doesn't see me having to rest up for days in order to be out of the house for a few hours.
He doesn't see me relying more than I should have to on my daughter and husband because there are so many things I can't do for myself.
He doesn't see the pain in me because I've learned to put on a mask that others cannot see behind because of my fear, my fear of being judged lazy.


Looks like I have lots to say about being real. Five minutes just wasn't enough time. What about you? What do you have to say about real in 5 minutes? If you link up, let me know. I'd love to read your post.


  1. Hi C.C.
    Thanks for stopping by! So glad you did! I so relate to the whole idea of feeling like someone else cannot see me completely. So much! Years ago I could not even benefit from counseling because I felt like saying...really I just want to know what Jesus says and thinks ...(this was when I was a new believer as well) but it is so hard when people only see a glimpse of us and try to formulate conclusions about who we are. I have a problem with that! Hope this makes sense! As you said it really is hard to say so little about something that touches deeper than we expect!

  2. Thanks for visiting and commenting Dawn! I completely understand what you're saying. :)

  3. You want to know the sad reality?

    Until it happened to me, I was one of "those" people who thought it was laziness, lack of motivation, you name it.

    Even now when I'm doing better, I feel judged by others because I'm not "on" 24/7. Yes, they're seeing more of me than they've seen in years, but that doesn't mean it's all roses. Like I told my sister earlier today, this rehab process is a full-time job and then some. And for us with chronic illnesses, the reality is that there is no cure, there is no "better". There is ebb & flow, good days & bad days, and we just have to learn how to live with it.

    Good stuff, love....

  4. Thanks for your words sweetie! It means so much that you understand what I'm going through. <3


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