The Post in Which We Remember

As some of you know, our family is larger than what you see in a photograph of us. It's not just Russ, C.C., & Damaris.



Because you see, three of our children have preceded us in their journey to Heaven. I tell our story in more depth in this blog post. Jordan Taylor, Micah Jayden, & Noah Avrey are our precious little ones who have seen Heaven before us.

Today, October 15th, is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day. So on this day, and every day, we remember Jordan, Micah, & Noah. And if you have walked a similar journey, we remember your precious child(ren) with you.



Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby...baby...
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby...baby...
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we're home with you...
Until we're home with you...
Miss you everyday, Miss you in every way
But we know there's a day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You'll kiss our tears away, When we're home to stay
Can't wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you 'till mom and dad can hold you...
You'll just have heaven before we do, You'll just have heaven before we do
Sweet little babies, it's hard to understand it 'cause we're hurting
We are hurting, But there is healing
And we know we're stronger people through the growing
And in knowing - That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would...
Just like He said He would...
I can't imagine, Heaven's lullabies, and what they must sound like
But I rest in knowing, that Heaven is your home
And it's all you'll ever know...
~~Words and Music by Nathan and Christy Nockels



Image Credit: Here & Here

my journey as a Christ follower, wife, Mamma, and fibromyalgia fighter

Today is day 26 of the WEGO Health ~ The Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge 2012. I will be writing a post everyday this month and each will in some way focus on what life is like with fibromyalgia (as well as other health issues including migraines, hypothyroidism, and polycystic ovarian syndrome).

Today you are challenged with the task of writing a tagline. This can be for your blog, your health condition or for yourself.

I'm on my way! Yes, that is the name of blog, but it's also my life. One of my dear BBFs (best blogging friends) Jamee actually came up with that title for me. I had utilized the tagline of "my journey as a Christ follower, wife, Mamma, and fibromyalgia fighter" for some time but it really didn't seem to fit as a title. The minute she suggested "I'm On My Way", I knew that was right for me. Because you see, I am on my way.

This life I live is a winding, often hilly, often bumpy, often full of forks and u-turns and loopdiloops, road. And what is the destination of this road? Well, honestly, I think the journey IS the destination. I didn't always think that. For such a long time, my thoughts were that there was going to be some kind of prize, fairy tale castle, and they all lived happily ever after ending to this road. But the further I get, the more I realize that just living, just being, just making it another day is better than any fairy tale could ever be.

My journey, my road, is most likely much different from yours. Because, let's face it, if we all walked the same road, life would be pretty boring. I can only watch so many cookie cutter, I know how the story ends, predictable movies and if life was like that, well, it would be pretty miserable in my book.

The biggest part of who I am is a Christ follower. My initial decision to follow Christ was as a young child. Being raised as the daughter of a pastor, I was at church whenever the doors were open. However, I don't think that the significant change came in my faith life until my husband, Russ, and I lost our first child to miscarriage. That experience changed who I am and what faith looked like for me as I sought to reconcile a loving God and the death of my child. How can this make sense? It can't, but God does understand my pain in a way that not everyone can because God too experienced the death of a child. The relationship that continues to develop between me and God would not be the unique relationship it is without the journey we have gone on together. And thankfully, it is ok for me to have doubts and ask questions and be upset and cry and scream and be excited and not completely understand because that is what journeying and building a relationship with God is like for me and I hope for you too!

Next up in my little tagline is my journey as a wife and Mamma. I know that a lot of my readers are also filling those roles in their own journeys so that is something we have in common. My hubby Russ and I have been married for going on 15 years (yes, I really was 19 when we got married). Damaris is our going on 13 year old daughter. I mentioned above that we lost our first child to miscarriage. We also lost two more children to miscarriage and had three failed adoptions. Never hearing those first words, seeing those first steps, starting school, growing up, going to college, getting married. Being a Mamma to a precious daughter here with us and so many other not here with us is a difficult job, but one that I wouldn't trade for anything. I remember as a little girl wanting more than anything to be a wife and Mamma when I grew up. I know that what I dreamed it would be like could not have been further from the truth but even through all the bumps and difficulties and tough times and sadness, the good times and happiness and rejoicing and celebrating and being make it all worthwhile.

The last part of my tagline should probably be something more encompassing like chronic illness fighter. You see, I have been sick more of my married life than I have been well. When Russ vowed to be with me "in sickness" he must have really meant it. My body has undergone eight surgeries in our time together. I fight hypothyroidism, polycystic ovarian syndrome, infertility, migraines, depression, and fibromyalgia just to name a few. My body has gotten to a place where it struggles to get out of bed most days of the week. I am unable to work outside the home and am in the beginning stages of pursuing disability. Damaris spends much of her day caring for me much as I cared for her when she was younger. Russ spends much of his day working to provide financially for us and then comes home to take over for Damaris in caring for me.

Perspective, it's a crazy thing. 15 years ago, could I have ever imagined my life would look like this? There's no way. Would I change my life? No, because if I changed a single thing in my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I'm on my way and I welcome you to journey with me.

What about you? What's your tagline?


The content of this post was originally published as 31 Days to Become a Better Writer - Day 6

5 Dinner Guests

Today is day 19 of the WEGO Health ~ The Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge 2012. I will be writing a post everyday this month and each will in some way focus on what life is like with fibromyalgia (as well as other health issues including migraines, hypothyroidism, and polycystic ovarian syndrome).

Hosting a dinner party is an intimate affair. Besides the careful selection of ingredients and courses, there’s who to invite. A seemingly simple task, in fact there are many elements to consider. Political and religious views, strong vegan/vegetarian views vs. food-chain eaters, quiet vs. loud personalities. Finding the right combination requires careful thought and planning. So what if you could invite ANYONE, living or deceased, and you knew they would show up… What five people would you want to have dinner with if you could? They can be living or deceased, famous politician or your best friend. They could be an expert in your condition or not know the first thing about health or wellness. What 5 people would you want at your dinner, and why? What would the topics of conversation be?

What a fun prompt for today! I immediately knew who 3 of my 5 guests would be and within another minute or so, I added my other 2 guests. The reason I chose the guests I did is because they are all women I adore and look up to. Their writings inspire me. All of the guests (and me) have gone through some difficult times (we're all still dealing with them in truth) and I know we would all be blessed by sharing our stories and journeys with each other. I can only imagine what the conversation would be like around the table. I know for sure that there would be lots of laughter, probably some tears, and that this dinner party would go late into the night!

In no particular order, the guests at my dinner party would be:
Jamee from A New Kind of Normal (she is one of my amazing BBF's ~ best blogging friends ~ who I would love to see finally! face to face!!!!!)

Shari from Rain Into Rainbows (she is my other amazing BBF ~ best blogging friend ~ who I also am dying to see finally! face to face!!!!!)

Ann from A Holy Experience (her book One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are has been life changing for me)

Shauna from shaunaniequist.com (I've heard her speak and had a chance to briefly talk with her about our shared miscarriage experiences. Her books Cold Tangerines: Celebrating the Extraordinary Nature of Everyday Life and Bittersweet: Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way are simply amazing! I cannot wait to read her new book Bread and Wine.)

Angie from Bring the Rain (Reading her story of grief and how she is living with it has played a big part in my own grief journey. Her books What Women Fear: Walking in Faith that Transforms and I Will Carry You: The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy are in my stack of books to read. So many amazing books, so little time!)

What about you? Who would you invite to your dinner party?

Why I Write

Today is day 4 of the WEGO Health ~ The Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge 2012. I will be writing a post everyday this month and each will in some way focus on what life is like with fibromyalgia (as well as other health issues including migraines, hypothyroidism, and polycystic ovarian syndrome).

I write about (my) health because... As writers, we all have unique styles, motivations and stories to tell. But hidden behind those is the question of “why?” Why do you write about health? A topic often criticized both for being, conversely, under-discussed and over-shared about. Take some time today to reflect on why you write about (your) health. Why do you write?

I'm actually going to "cheat" a little bit on this assignment. You'll know, if you're a regular reader of my blog, that I've been participating in 31 Days to Become a Better Writer over the last few weeks. I feel like two of the writings I did for that tell my story of why I write and so, rather than rewriting them, I'm going to share them with you.

From 31 Days to Become a Better Writer – Day 2

This isn’t at all how I expected it to be! For years I had searched, struggled, longed for an answer. I knew God was calling me. But to what? I plodded along, sure the answer was just around the next corner. And yet, the spotlight never stopped looking.

Then, as quietly as a child sneaking out of her bed, the answer crept up on me. A chaplain! Working with those who are ill, drawing their last breath, saying goodbye to one they hold dear. Walking the journey with them, even if the distance was short, being the presence of the Liberating King, offering my time and myself to listen, to hold, to comfort, to be.

Crash! The sound of things falling apart. I am the one who is ill. My broken body full of pain, fatigue, depression, anger. A cane and then a wheelchair is required to do my work. And still, even then, less and less of the time am I able to minister.

Now I spend much of my life in bed, the exhaustion and pain overwhelming all of me. I cannot make plans for I am unsure from day to day whether I will be able to function as a human. My husband caring for me “in sickness”, “in sickness”, “in sickness”…where is “and health”? My twelve year old almost a woman daughter now brings me food and drink. A strange and twisted reversal of roles.

The answer that I had searched for no longer is correct. My body betrayed me, and yet the desire to serve, to minister, to journey is still ever present. Can you still use me God? How can I be? This isn’t at all how I expected it to be!

and from 31 Days to Become a Better Writer – Day 6

I’m on my way! Yes, that is the name of blog, but it’s also my life. One of my dear BBFs (best blogging friends) Jamee actually came up with that title for me. I had utilized the tagline of “my journey as a Christ follower, wife, Mamma, and fibromyalgia fighter” for some time but it really didn’t seem to fit as a title. The minute she suggested “I’m On My Way”, I knew that was right for me. Because you see, I am on my way.

This life I live is a winding, often hilly, often bumpy, often full of forks and u-turns and loopdiloops, road. And what is the destination of this road? Well, honestly, I think the journey IS the destination. I didn’t always think that. For such a long time, my thoughts were that there was going to be some kind of prize, fairy tale castle, and they all lived happily ever after ending to this road. But the further I get, the more I realize that just living, just being, just making it another day is better than any fairy tale could ever be.

My journey, my road, is most likely much different from yours. Because, let’s face it, if we all walked the same road, life would be pretty boring. I can only watch so many cookie cutter, I know how the story ends, predictable movies and if life was like that, well, it would be pretty miserable in my book.

The biggest part of who I am is a Christ follower. My initial decision to follow Christ was as a young child. Being raised as the daughter of a pastor, I was at church whenever the doors were open. However, I don’t think that the significant change came in my faith life until my husband, Russ, and I lost our first child to miscarriage. That experience changed who I am and what faith looked like for me as I sought to reconcile a loving God and the death of my child. How can this make sense? It can’t, but God does understand my pain in a way that not everyone can because God too experienced the death of a child. The relationship that continues to develop between me and God would not be the unique relationship it is without the journey we have gone on together. And thankfully, it is ok for me to have doubts and ask questions and be upset and cry and scream and be excited and not completely understand because that is what journeying and building a relationship with God is like for me and I hope for you too!

Next up in my little tagline is my journey as a wife and Mamma. I know that a lot of my readers are also filling those roles in their own journeys so that is something we have in common. My hubby Russ and I have been married for going on 15 years (yes, I really was 19 when we got married). Damaris is our going on 13 year old daughter. I mentioned above that we lost our first child to miscarriage. We also lost two more children to miscarriage and had three failed adoptions. Never hearing those first words, seeing those first steps, starting school, growing up, going to college, getting married. Being a Mamma to a precious daughter here with us and so many other not here with us is a difficult job, but one that I wouldn’t trade for anything. I remember as a little girl wanting more than anything to be a wife and Mamma when I grew up. I know that what I dreamed it would be like could not have been further from the truth but even through all the bumps and difficulties and tough times and sadness, the good times and happiness and rejoicing and celebrating and being make it all worthwhile.

The last part of my tagline should probably be something more encompassing like chronic illness fighter. You see, I have been sick more of my married life than I have been well. When Russ vowed to be with me “in sickness” he must have really meant it. My body has undergone eight surgeries in our time together. I fight hypothyroidism, polycystic ovarian syndrome, infertility, migraines, depression, and fibromyalgia just to name a few. My body has gotten to a place where it struggles to get out of bed most days of the week. I am unable to work outside the home and am in the beginning stages of pursuing disability. Damaris spends much of her day caring for me much as I cared for her when she was younger. Russ spends much of his day working to provide financially for us and then comes home to take over for Damaris in caring for me.

Perspective, it’s a crazy thing. 15 years ago, could I have ever imagined my life would look like this? There’s no way. Would I change my life? No, because if I changed a single thing in my life, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I’m on my way and I welcome you to journey with me.

What about you? Why do you write?

Refilling My Well (of Writing)

31 Days to Become a Better Writer - Day 20

Today's Challenge:

Today’s challenge is two-fold. First of all, I’d like you to pick a book to read this week. You don’t have to finish it by the end of the week. Heck, I don’t even care if you ever finish it. You aren’t reading to finish it, you are reading to refresh your brain and excite your perspective. This week, I want you to commit to read for ten minutes a day. It can be out of the same book, it can be articles in different magazines, whatever you want. Just read.

For the second part of the challenge, I’d like you to write about one of your favorite books. Why was it your favorite? Which character stole your heart? Perhaps the character made you cringe or caused you to ponder their actions.

Telling me to read is like telling a duck to quack. Reading has been a part of me for as long as I can remember. I always have a book (or twelve) that I'm reading, fixing to read, just finished reading, or am rereading for the zillionth time. I read in the car, I read in bed, I read in the bathtub, I read in my recliner, I read at coffee shops, I read at restaurants. Read, read, read, read, read.

Now, asking me to write about one of my favorite books is a whole other story. Because I read so much, it is very difficult to pick a favorite book. I have a shelf full of books that are my go to rereads so if I had to pick favorites, I guess it would be them. The Complete Anne of Green Gables Series, Cold Tangerines: Celebrating the Extraordinary Nature of Everyday Life, Bittersweet: Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are, anything by Debbie Macomber, After Anne...I could go on and on.

I think the thread that connects all these books is the real emotions of the female main character or in the case of the non-fiction books, the real emotions of the female author. I find myself in the pages of these books. My imagination of what it would have been to be that red-haired snippet Anne with an e, the desire for a bosom friend, the grief of losing a child, the friendships made through knitting, learning to find gratitude in everyday things. Books draw me in. I've lost so much sleep over books and I don't regret it one bit. Must run, I hear a book calling my name. :D



Image Credit

31 Days to Become a Better Writer - Day 6

My apologies that I did not get this posted yesterday. I developed a migraine yesterday afternoon and was unable to finish writing it.



Today's Challenge:

Write about something that is unique to your story. It could be a physical feature or a life experience. You could write about something that happened when you were growing up that impacted your life forever. You could write about your daily struggle to get your toddler to potty train and how you are at your wit’s end...or maybe that’s just me. Also, don’t just re-work some post from the past. Write a new one...if there’s any place to be vulnerable, it’s here.

I'm on my way! Yes, that is the name of blog, but it's also my life. One of my dear BBFs (best blogging friends) Jamee actually came up with that title for me. I had utilized the tagline of "my journey as a Christ follower, wife, Mamma, and fibromyalgia fighter" for some time but it really didn't seem to fit as a title. The minute she suggested "I'm On My Way", I knew that was right for me. Because you see, I am on my way.

This life I live is a winding, often hilly, often bumpy, often full of forks and u-turns and loopdiloops, road. And what is the destination of this road? Well, honestly, I think the journey IS the destination. I didn't always think that. For such a long time, my thoughts were that there was going to be some kind of prize, fairy tale castle, and they all lived happily ever after ending to this road. But the further I get, the more I realize that just living, just being, just making it another day is better than any fairy tale could ever be.

My journey, my road, is most likely much different from yours. Because, let's face it, if we all walked the same road, life would be pretty boring. I can only watch so many cookie cutter, I know how the story ends, predictable movies and if life was like that, well, it would be pretty miserable in my book.

The biggest part of who I am is a Christ follower. My initial decision to follow Christ was as a young child. Being raised as the daughter of a pastor, I was at church whenever the doors were open. However, I don't think that the significant change came in my faith life until my husband, Russ, and I lost our first child to miscarriage. That experience changed who I am and what faith looked like for me as I sought to reconcile a loving God and the death of my child. How can this make sense? It can't, but God does understand my pain in a way that not everyone can because God too experienced the death of a child. The relationship that continues to develop between me and God would not be the unique relationship it is without the journey we have gone on together. And thankfully, it is ok for me to have doubts and ask questions and be upset and cry and scream and be excited and not completely understand because that is what journeying and building a relationship with God is like for me and I hope for you too!

Next up in my little tagline is my journey as a wife and Mamma. I know that a lot of my readers are also filling those roles in their own journeys so that is something we have in common. My hubby Russ and I have been married for going on 15 years (yes, I really was 19 when we got married). Damaris is our going on 13 year old daughter. I mentioned above that we lost our first child to miscarriage. We also lost two more children to miscarriage and had three failed adoptions. Never hearing those first words, seeing those first steps, starting school, growing up, going to college, getting married. Being a Mamma to a precious daughter here with us and so many other not here with us is a difficult job, but one that I wouldn't trade for anything. I remember as a little girl wanting more than anything to be a wife and Mamma when I grew up. I know that what I dreamed it would be like could not have been further from the truth but even through all the bumps and difficulties and tough times and sadness, the good times and happiness and rejoicing and celebrating and being make it all worthwhile.

The last part of my tagline should probably be something more encompassing like chronic illness fighter. You see, I have been sick more of my married life than I have been well. When Russ vowed to be with me "in sickness" he must have really meant it. My body has undergone eight surgeries in our time together. I fight hypothyroidism, polycystic ovarian syndrome, infertility, migraines, depression, and fibromyalgia just to name a few. My body has gotten to a place where it struggles to get out of bed most days of the week. I am unable to work outside the home and am in the beginning stages of pursuing disability. Damaris spends much of her day caring for me much as I cared for her when she was younger. Russ spends much of his day working to provide financially for us and then comes home to take over for Damaris in caring for me.

Perspective, it's a crazy thing. 15 years ago, could I have ever imagined my life would look like this? There's no way. Would I change my life? No, because if I changed a single thing in my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I'm on my way and I welcome you to journey with me.

Also linking up with:




Photo Credit

The 30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 25

Welcome to Day 25 of The 30 Day Blog Challenge hosted by me, C.C., here at I'm On My Way and my online BFF Jamee at A New Kind of Normal. Today's assignment is to post a blog post about something that you miss. Make sure you grab the 30 Day Blog Challenge button (use the code that's in the box below) to post in your blog post and once you publish your blog post, enter your link below so we can look at each other's posts.

When I saw this topic on the list, I knew what I was going to write about. Little did I know it would fall on this specific day. What I miss is our three babies in heaven and our K.C. (failed adoption). Jordan Taylor, was due on earth May 1999, but was born into heaven September 1998. Micah Jayden was due on earth September 2001, but was born into heaven January 2001. Noah Avrey was due on earth September 2004, but was born into heaven January 2004. Kerioth Cherie was a foster/adoption placement in 2003 and sadly had to be moved to a new placement because of some things that happened in her life before she was placed with us. As time has passed, most days I can handle this, but there are days like today (when we lost 2 of our babies), when the grief is really strong. There is so much we missed ~ their births, their first words, their first step, starting school, birthdays, and there is so much more we will miss ~ first dates, learning how to drive a car, high school graduation, college, marriage... God has taught us many things and good has been made in allowing us to minister to many others who have gone through similar experiences. However, there'll never be a day I don't miss our kids. Mamma loves you!

Grab the 30 Day Blog Challenge button!


<center> <a href="http://javapurl.blogspot.com/2011/12/the-30-day-blog-challenge-your.html"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7029/6600865717_48f9030233_m.jpg" width="200" height="176" alt="The30DayBlogChallenge"></a></center>

Looking forward to seeing your posts!

The 30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 13

Welcome to Day 13 of The 30 Day Blog Challenge hosted by me, C.C., here at I'm On My Way and my online BFF Jamee at A New Kind of Normal. Today's assignment is to post a blog post about your favorite musician and why he/she/they are your favorite. Make sure you grab the 30 Day Blog Challenge button (use the code that's in the box below) to post in your blog post and once you publish your blog post, enter your link below so we can look at each other's posts.

This was a hard blog post for me to write because I like so many different types of music. Just this week, I introduced Damaris to Harry Connick Jr. I honestly like top 40, country, musicals, jazz, big band, classical, worship, pop, rock, etc., etc., etc. My iTunes is full of so many different artists and groups that there are times I forget about musicians and then happen across them and it's almost like hearing them again for the first time.

I finally decided to share about a group that is actually not technically in existence anymore at least in the form I first enjoyed them as. The group is Watermark, a husband/wife duo. I'm not really sure when or how I found out about them, but I do know that when I heard the song Glory Baby for the first time, I felt an instant connection. Nathan and Christy Nockels had experienced their first miscarriage when they wrote and then recorded this song. I couldn't find a video of the song that had images that connected for me, so instead, I'll share the words to the song:

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby...baby...
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby...baby...
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we're home with you...
Until we're home with you...

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there's a day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You'll kiss our tears away
When we're home to stay
Can't wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
'till mom and dad can hold you...
You'll just have heaven before we do
You'll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little baby, it's hard to understand it
'cause we're hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we're stronger people through the growing
And in knowing
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would...
Just like He said He would...

I can't imagine heaven's lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it's all you'll ever know...all you'll ever know...

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there's a day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You'll kiss our tears away
When we're home to stay
Can't wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
'till mom and dad can hold you...
You'll just have heaven before we do

This song helped bring such healing into our lives as we had our first, then second, then third miscarriage. Knowing we weren't alone. Knowing we weren't walking this journey of loss alone. We actually got to meet Nathan and Christy a couple of times and I got to spend a few minutes talking with her about our losses and how their song had helped us and how we had shared it with others who were also helped.

Nathan and Christy no longer record under the Watermark name but they are still active in the music world. If I had to pick another favorite song of theirs, I would chose Captivate Us. I hope you are blessed as much as it blesses me.


Grab the 30 Day Blog Challenge button!


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Looking forward to seeing your posts!

A Week of Thanksgiving - Our Miracle

I am linking up with Lil Kid Things in posting a week of Thanksgiving posts. For today, I want to write about our miracle.

For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a mother. I remember playing with baby dolls and being their mommy. I still instantly gravitate to babies and am more than willing to take on the burden *wink wink* of holding a baby so their mommy can have a break.

Russ and I started trying to have a baby fairly soon after we married. We had dreams of a large family, 4 children. If you read my post yesterday, you know about the health issues I deal with. Just before our first anniversary, we lost our first child, Jordan Taylor, to miscarriage. Devastated doesn't begin to describe how we felt. Out of our loss, we founded and led an online website that offered support to women and families who had lost a child to miscarriage.

A little over four months later, we found out we were pregnant again. This is where the miracle began. It was a difficult pregnancy. At one point, we thought I was miscarrying again. We worked at a children's home and one of the kids punched me in the stomach. Another scary time. We left the children's home and awaited the birth of our miracle. I started having significant contractions, yet every time we went to the doctor or hospital, they said the baby wasn't dropping and I wasn't progressing. If I only had known then what I know now, I would have insisted on intervention, but I was a very young 21 and just didn't know. We went through this for three long weeks, going to the hospital, being monitored and told I was having significant contractions, but not progressing. Finally my doctor said he would try to induce labor (as if what I was going through wasn't already labor). I went into the hospital and even with the doctor's intervention, still did not progress. Then, the baby's heart rate started dropping significantly. I was rushed into an emergency c-section. A few hours later, my doctor came to talk to me and explain what had happened. Our baby's umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck. Those three long weeks, every time she tried to drop so she could be born, her umbilical cord was jerking her back up. My doctor said if we had continued and tried to have her vaginally, she would have died. God's hand was on our precious girl. We named her Damaris Mikaelia. She weighed in at 7 pounds, 8 ounces and was 18 1/2 inches long. We took her home after a couple of days and then ended up back in the NICU a few days later because she was very sick. Thankfully, the interventions by the NICU staff helped her and she was able to come back home a few days later.



Sadly, a couple of years after Damaris was born, we had another miscarriage and lost little Micah Jayden. About 3 years later, we had our third miscarriage and precious Noah Avrey was born into heaven. In the midst of all this, we also had three failed adoptions. Our dreams of a large family did not come to fruition as we had imagined. Three of our four babies were born into heaven before we could even hold them. Last year, our dreams of having anymore birth children was brought to an end because of health complications and a necessary surgery. Will we pursue adoption again? I don't know. Not right now. We'll have to pray about it and see where God leads us.



But back to our miracle. She is now 12 years old going on 30. :) I am so privileged to get to spend so much time with Damaris because I homeschool her. She is so much like me in that she loves to read, she loves to do computer stuff, she loves to knit, and she and I have similar tastes in tv and movies. She is also such a huge help to me. She realizes that Mamma is sick and will go out of her way to do things for me, refilling my water glass, making my coffee, running small errands, etc.

She is a true blessing and I cannot imagine my life without her. I love you Damaris! You are our miracle! I am so thankful for you!

A Week of Thanksgiving - In Sickness

I am linking up with Lil Kid Things in posting a week of Thanksgiving posts. For today, I want to write about in sickness.


Just over 14 years ago, Russ and I stood together before God, our family, and our friends and vowed, among other things, to have and to hold each other from this day forward in sickness as well as in health. Little did we know what those 14 years would have in store for us.

It began shortly after we married. Looking back on things now, I would have never chosen to take the prescription medication that I did. It wreaked complete and total havoc on my body and we believe has been the instigator of my health issues. It started with thyroid problems and polycystic ovarian syndrome (pcos). I was having surgery for the pcos when they discovered my appendix was rupturing. I had infertility problems. I've had three miscarriages. I had an emergency c-section to deliver Damaris. I had my gallbladder removed. I had a breast cancer scare which included having two masses removed. I was diagnosed with depression. I started having migraines. I messed up my knee. I had another cancer scare. I had three other surgeries. I developed fibromyalgia and we are in the midst of this now, trying to discover if I can live a so called normal life or if disability is in store for me, for us.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think my husband would have to take care of me the way he has had to and continues to. I cannot even begin to explain to you everything he does for me. He works a full-time job and then comes home and cares for me. I honestly don't know how he does it all. Fourteen years after that vow was made, he still is as committed to it as he was the day he made it.



Russell Lane Almon, from the bottom of my heart, thank you! Thank you for your love, your care, your compassion, your gentle heart, your kind soul. I still do - even in sickness. I love you Bubba!

Encouragement

Many years ago, God gave the following Scripture to Russ & I. We had just lost our first baby, J.T., to miscarriage & we were lost & floundering, hurting, grieving, just needing to feel Him present with us. He gave us Zephaniah 3:17.

For the Lord your God is living among you.
He is a mighty savior.
He will take delight in you with gladness.
With His love, He will calm all your fears.
He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.

Turning Points

Our friend Scott wrote a very interesting blog entry earlier this week. He's been reading a book called "List Your Self: Listmaking as the Way to Self-Discovery: A Provocative, Probing and Personal Expedition Into Your Mind, Heart, and Soul”. The list he shared in his blog entry is the biggest turning points in his life. I thought I would make my list to share with yall.

The Biggest Turning Points in My Life

1983 - when I made my decision to become a follower of Christ

1997 - when I married the love of my life, Russell

1998 - when our first child, Jordan Taylor, was born into heaven because of miscarriage

1999 - when our princess girl, Damaris, was born

2001 - when our child, Micah Jayden, was born into heaven because of miscarriage; also the year that I finally finished my Bachelor's degree

2003 - when we had our precious girl, Kerioth, live with us for such a short time, we had planned to adopt her, but things did not work out the way we had planned

2004 - when our child, Noah Avrey, was born into heaven because of miscarriage

2005 - when we realized just how much many Christians truly hate and despise other Christians to the point of telling numerous lies about our family & trying to destroy our family

2007 - when we moved to Abilene for Russ to get his M.Div. degree, I had no desire to return to school, but God has other ideas, it was this year that He called me to chaplaincy as a life vocation

2008 - when I was finally able to forgive someone who had hurt me so badly that the situation almost destroyed me

2009 - when our church family here in Abilene affirmed my call to ministry by ordaining me as a minister; still ahead this year is graduating with my Master of Divinity degree & begin my clinical residency as a hospital chaplain

What about you? What are your turning points? If you share, let me know here on my blog so I can come read your list.