Today's Challenge:
Write about something that is unique to your story. It could be a physical feature or a life experience. You could write about something that happened when you were growing up that impacted your life forever. You could write about your daily struggle to get your toddler to potty train and how you are at your wit’s end...or maybe that’s just me. Also, don’t just re-work some post from the past. Write a new one...if there’s any place to be vulnerable, it’s here.
I'm on my way! Yes, that is the name of blog, but it's also my life. One of my dear BBFs (best blogging friends) Jamee actually came up with that title for me. I had utilized the tagline of "my journey as a Christ follower, wife, Mamma, and fibromyalgia fighter" for some time but it really didn't seem to fit as a title. The minute she suggested "I'm On My Way", I knew that was right for me. Because you see, I am on my way.
This life I live is a winding, often hilly, often bumpy, often full of forks and u-turns and loopdiloops, road. And what is the destination of this road? Well, honestly, I think the journey IS the destination. I didn't always think that. For such a long time, my thoughts were that there was going to be some kind of prize, fairy tale castle, and they all lived happily ever after ending to this road. But the further I get, the more I realize that just living, just being, just making it another day is better than any fairy tale could ever be.
My journey, my road, is most likely much different from yours. Because, let's face it, if we all walked the same road, life would be pretty boring. I can only watch so many cookie cutter, I know how the story ends, predictable movies and if life was like that, well, it would be pretty miserable in my book.
The biggest part of who I am is a Christ follower. My initial decision to follow Christ was as a young child. Being raised as the daughter of a pastor, I was at church whenever the doors were open. However, I don't think that the significant change came in my faith life until my husband, Russ, and I lost our first child to miscarriage. That experience changed who I am and what faith looked like for me as I sought to reconcile a loving God and the death of my child. How can this make sense? It can't, but God does understand my pain in a way that not everyone can because God too experienced the death of a child. The relationship that continues to develop between me and God would not be the unique relationship it is without the journey we have gone on together. And thankfully, it is ok for me to have doubts and ask questions and be upset and cry and scream and be excited and not completely understand because that is what journeying and building a relationship with God is like for me and I hope for you too!
Next up in my little tagline is my journey as a wife and Mamma. I know that a lot of my readers are also filling those roles in their own journeys so that is something we have in common. My hubby Russ and I have been married for going on 15 years (yes, I really was 19 when we got married). Damaris is our going on 13 year old daughter. I mentioned above that we lost our first child to miscarriage. We also lost two more children to miscarriage and had three failed adoptions. Never hearing those first words, seeing those first steps, starting school, growing up, going to college, getting married. Being a Mamma to a precious daughter here with us and so many other not here with us is a difficult job, but one that I wouldn't trade for anything. I remember as a little girl wanting more than anything to be a wife and Mamma when I grew up. I know that what I dreamed it would be like could not have been further from the truth but even through all the bumps and difficulties and tough times and sadness, the good times and happiness and rejoicing and celebrating and being make it all worthwhile.
The last part of my tagline should probably be something more encompassing like chronic illness fighter. You see, I have been sick more of my married life than I have been well. When Russ vowed to be with me "in sickness" he must have really meant it. My body has undergone eight surgeries in our time together. I fight hypothyroidism, polycystic ovarian syndrome, infertility, migraines, depression, and fibromyalgia just to name a few. My body has gotten to a place where it struggles to get out of bed most days of the week. I am unable to work outside the home and am in the beginning stages of pursuing disability. Damaris spends much of her day caring for me much as I cared for her when she was younger. Russ spends much of his day working to provide financially for us and then comes home to take over for Damaris in caring for me.
Perspective, it's a crazy thing. 15 years ago, could I have ever imagined my life would look like this? There's no way. Would I change my life? No, because if I changed a single thing in my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I'm on my way and I welcome you to journey with me.
Photo Credit
Forgive me if I missed something obvious but ,,, who are James, Lola, and Wyatt?
ReplyDeleteI was nodding my head right along with you on the health issues until you got to fibromyalgia. I haven't been diagnosed with that one (yet)! I do have severe osteo-arthritis in my knees and hips. Honestly I suspect that it's in my lower back and neck too but haven't confirmed that yet. I was in a car wreck on July 2, 2008 that changed my life. Just didn't know it at the time. I hit a phone pole, totaled my car, walked away. A few days later I had a mind blowing pain in my neck and down my left arm. It has hurt, and I have had a headache, ever since. Been to numerous neurosurgeons who say, "sorry, can't fix it." Now I just try to *manage* the pain. (Story you know well, eh?) I'm working but not sure how much longer as the pain in my back, hips, and legs, makes it harder to walk every day. Unfortunately I am our insurance provider. Stuck between a rock and a very hard place! I'm working (mentally for now) while praying over a proposal to be allowed to work from home. It would surely be blessing!
Glad your headache let up enough for your to write.
Beth
Your journey touched my heart, CC. Thank God we serve the One who hold's us up and carries us through! Where would we be without Him!
ReplyDeleteBlessings!
Jackie
You're so beautiful! You're such a great mom ... and writer. I love being your husband.
ReplyDeleteBeth,
ReplyDeleteJames and Wyatt are my nephews and Lola is my niece. :)
I'm so sorry for your health issues. They make life so, so difficult!
Thanks so much Jackie! Blessings to you!
ReplyDelete<3 you Bubba!
ReplyDeleteI have one miracle after 10 years of infertility. Josiah is 22. Home (between mission trips) until he finishes college. Then his plan is to go to seminary and onto the mission field. He has spent a lot of time in ASIs but feels called to the Middle East. He spent 5 months in Nepal last year and will go to Haiti this summer. College may take a while!
ReplyDeleteWe lost 2 babies to miscarriage after Josiah. They almost took me out emotionally but God held me through my storms!
I'm so sorry for your losses but rejoice with you for your miracle. Thanks for commenting!
ReplyDelete