Monday, September 19, 2011
Top 10 Things NOT to Say to Someone With Chronic Illness
I ran across this image this week and could really relate because I have heard many of these things since being diagnosed with my illnesses. I'm posting this in the hopes that one less person with a chronic illness has to be hurt by someone saying one of these things to them.
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I get some of those sometimes as a severe migraine sufferer. However, I prefer #1 over, "You look like crap." Tell me something I don't know.
ReplyDeleteLove it!
ReplyDeleteThe one that really drives me nuts is when we're at a place that involves a lot of walking, like a shopping mall, for instance, and people tell me how "lucky" I am to be in a wheelchair. The first time it happened, it upset me to the point of tears, so badly that we had to leave and go home.
After a couple such comments, though, I've started answering with, "And you're lucky you can walk!" or "I'd trace places with you if I could!" That usually shuts people up pretty quickly. I don't want to be harsh in my response - usually people are just trying to make conversation - but I do want to make sure that they realize their remakrs can be hurtful.
Rebekah, I consider migraines a chronic illness. It's one of my several types. You're right on the #1 thing until it's a situation where people don't understand why you are walking so slowly or needing a wheelchair or....then that statement usually makes me want to punch someone! :o KWIM? :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing Shari! Your story is so much like a chapter of a book I am reading and recording for a friend with chronic illness (she cannot read the print and the book is not available in large print or as an audio book so I'm making it into an audio book for her). One of the chapters I recorded today talked about a woman with lupus who was picking her computer up from a repair shop. She asked the employee to help her carry it to her car. He asked where she was parked and she told him in the handicap spot around the side of the building. He blew up at her yelling that she couldn't park there, that it was only for handicapped people. She told him she was handicapped and had a handicap placard. He didn't believe her and kept yelling at her. She had to make a decision in that moment whether to make things worse by yelling back or dealing with the situation differently. She calmly asked for the manager and when he came out, she explained the situation and explained about her lupus. She said that just like severe asthma and heart disease, lupus is an internal illness instead of an external one. She told them that her doctor and those who approve handicap placards agreed that she needed one. She told the manager that she wanted to educate them, but also that she did need help getting the computer to her vehicle that is parked in the handicap spot. The employee apologized to her and the manager did as well as he took the computer out to the car for her. He told her that he appreciated her teaching them and that they would handle things much differently in the future. Really makes me reconsider the reply I posted above just out of reaction versus really thinking about it. Ouch!
ReplyDeleteI was at Wal-Mart with my mom - who has MS - one day. She needed a motorized cart, it was one of her bad days and there was no way she was walking through the store. We got the last one and I heard a comment behind me about how my mother should have, "left that last cart for someone who needed it". Ummm - ok, you mean like - her?
ReplyDeleteI get the same kind of looks Kerry, even when I'm walking with my cane. People just make assumptions rather than giving the benefit of the doubt. Such a sad world we live in. :(
ReplyDeleteEh, we all make mistakes. :-) I make plenty myself, for sure!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your grace in the face of my mistake! :)
ReplyDelete